Modus Operandi: Life is for Running Through FIRE
If you’ve never heard of Tough Mudder races, then you are sorely missing out.
Advertised as “not your average lame-ass mud run”, the Tough Mudder is a seriously difficult, wimps-need-not-apply, built-by-and-for-masochists, adventure race. Come September 17 & 18, Northern California’s Squaw Valley will host the 2011 Nor Cal Tough Mudder race, a 10-mile, two and a half hour race through the valley, complete with heinous, borderline criminal obstacles. An interactive map outlines the course, giving details on the horrors that await: like number 18, simply named “Firewalker” (Run through blazing, kerosene doused straw? Flames four feet high? WTF?) or number 6 “Funky Monkey” (butter greased monkey bars over a ice cold lake. Double WTF?).
Yeah, it’s going to be pretty fucking insane. If you can think it up, it’s probably in this race. Blasted with high pressure hoses? Crawling through mud under wires? slide-n-slide down a hill into a lake? Yup, yup and check. Also, did I mention fucking fire? Am I gonna do it? Yes. Why? I haven’t any idea, but I know I have it. I have no choice, it is my destiny. You can sign up now, right here. I’ll see you on the course, but don’t get mad when I pass you on the Gauntlet.
“It’s Ironman meets Burning Man”
Modus Operandi: Life is for Bringing Home Dinner
Just once, in my short time on this planet, I would like to bring home the bacon.
And by bacon I don’t mean money, I really mean fish. And by bring home fish, I really mean, catch my fish with a spear. Yup, just once, I would like to bring home a fish that I skewered with a spear (or more correctly, a sling). With the exception of noodling, fishing in general sounds relaxing…and boring. Fly fishing, deep sea fishing, fishing off the pier. For me, it would probably entail beer or oyster shoots at a nearby crab shack. Relaxing, but not the most exciting adventure.
And that’s why I want bring home the fish, wriggling on the end of my spear.
And someday I’ll do it; drift along with a high-powered speargun, covered head-to-toe in neoprene and miscellaneous pressure gauges. Someday I’ll bring home Dogtooth Tuna or a Giant Finned Marlin. But at the moment, I’m more interested in something a little more honest. Shore diving. What exactly is the difference? Well, shore diving is exactly what is sounds like. You start on the shore, wade into the ocean and make your way to the reef. And that’s where you’ll find your dinner. Have you ever been to the Monterey Bay Aquarium? You know the reef exhibits, with the kelp forest and colorful fish darting in and out? “Blah blah blah, it’s right under your nose.” Well its true, it is.
I’ve only been lucky enough to shore dive once, and it was incredible. With snorkeling gear and a pole spear, I swam deep into kelp forests, watching intently for fish and swayed happily with the ocean. It was completely disorienting, and glorious and … sickening. Literally. Your first observation will be, “what the hell? the ocean makes me sea-sick.” Yes, it does. The hypnotic pitch of the ocean made me sick, watching that dark green kelp sway made me sick, the lack of sound made me sick, the filtered light makes me sick. Diving deep down, into the thick carpet of swirling tendrils. Complete. Disorientation. And well worth it.
I don’t know when I’ll go again. But I have a feeling it might be with these guys. San Francisco Reef Divers.
Modus Operandi: Life is for Wish Lists.
Sometimes life is about making lists. Lists that are miles and miles long, filling up books, tomes and reams of paper. Lists solely dedicated to the shit you wish you could own. That’s right, it’s totally selfish and most likely you’ll never need the junk. But damn it, I want a Swiss Army Knife that’ll cut through fucking Teflon, tell me my exact GPS coordinates and text mom to ask “What’s for dinner?”. And likewise, I want a leather luxury toiletries bag because it looks manly and cost 3 times as much as it costs to manufacture. (P.S. Did you know that Teflon is short (and trademark) for Polytetrafluoroethylene)
If only I were a millionaire, I’d have shit like that. But in the meantime, I’ll enjoy this website: http://www.uncrate.com/
I’m not quite sure how to describe uncrate.com, but it’s like someone vowed to catalog all the awesome products the 21st century has to offer. This isn’t your run-of-the-mill web magazine, they “review” and post little snippets on gear that you’ve probably never heard of it. For example, take the most recent update (as of Oct. 18th 2010). “The Critter Gitter”
Who is the fuck would ever need this? I don’t know, but I want to be their friend. Posts on uncrate.com range from “gadgets, clothes, cars, DVDs and more.” There is really nothing off limits here, as long as you can (presumably) purchase it. (I say presumably because a) you’ll never have that much money even if you live to one billion or b) because this item is so rare, so ridiculous, so incredible badass, it has no listed price.) And a sweet little feature, you can create an account and “save” the various items that make you drool. Personally, I have 26 tantalizing necessaries, including; professionally made PVC Pipe Speakers, Chippewa Snake Boots, Han Wolfgang Sunglasses, Bottle Open Cufflinks and more.
So somehow the men behind uncrate.com have managed to scrape a living by documenting, for editorial purposes mind you, the kinda gear playboy gazillionaires own. I need to figure how to take it one step farther. For the purpose of an in-depth review, I should receive these things free of charge. There, I said it. You were thinking it.
My wedding registry will be on uncrate.com
Modus Operandi: Life is for Flying Bikes.
I’d hate to set a precedent here, this blog is open to suggest and promote thrills for all sorts. I guess you could say, that I’m not picky — thrills of all sorts pique my interest. Some thrills are worth it, just to do once. Like skydiving, that’s an easy one. People (and I mean myself) should try it once, to savor the feeling of free-fall and laugh in the face of mortality. Other thrills, I’d like to make a habit out of. Something that I can do over and over again, to improve at and enjoy slight or obscure technicalities. Like building rockets (which I have done) is a great example. The science of the endeavor is interesting, and … I like watching things explode into space with a great deal of hullabaloo. So, since the last thrill I posted involved … preparation and involvement, I feel like my next thrill should be cheap. Dirt cheap.
http://funnyvideos.todaysbigthing.com/2010/10/06
Something about this video reminds me of a diving board. Something about a hurling yourself high into the air, only to crash into a body of water. And maybe with some practice, you’ll throw a few full body rotations in there. I love going to the pool solely because there MIGHT be a diving board there. Swimming laps is boring, a great workout but I’ll do them really to justify my yelps of joy … as I careen off the board into the pool. The same daredevil flair is here. If you’ve got balls, give this a try. (keep an eye out for director devinsupertramp, check out his youtube channel here. http://www.youtube.com/user/devinsupertramp)
Right, back to sticking the 360 gainer.
Modus Operandi: Life is for Thrills.
What the fuck life? Why is it that I have to actually choose what it is I’m (supposed) going to do. You know what I’m talking about, you asshole. Look, at any given moment, I can think of twenty different scenarios for how the rest of my life will pan out. There are so many variables and so miserably few constants that the likelihood of me pinpointing my future is astronomically small. Thankfully for me, I have a vague idea of where I want to end up. Economics/MBA + Masters in Higher Education = some combination of having worked for NGOs/taught international socio-economics abroad. (If you ask me how I’ll get there, I’ll tell you I have no blanking clue.)
The real question is not how but why. Why Economics, teaching/education, law, international whatevers? Why? Because it sounds ridiculous, and looks like a shitload of fun. No really, I’m serious. This is a well thought out, intended to be challenging life adventure. So I suppose this blog has found a reason to continue. These are a list of the most ill-advised / stimulating things that I want to do, posted in hopes of finding something so ridiculously awesome … that I do it. And whatever absurd adventure I undertake, I’ll describe in honest detail here. Here’s to living a life full of thrills.
Thrill El Numero Uno
http://rickshawrun.theadventurists.com/
Drive this ... where?
The Rickshaw Run Autumn 2010 is going on right freaking now. (you can check live tracking on the website here, http://rickshawrun10a.theadventurists.com/index.php?mode=tracking) The basic idea behind this insane adventure is to drive a 150cc rickshaw (like the one pictured above) across India for two weeks. The cost is split into two parts, first your participation costs and second, a donation to a worthy charity based in India. Beyond that, it’s really up to your and your crew. Your destination is loosely the Himalayas (you read the correctly, yes) though there is no guarantee that you’ll make it. What part of this doesn’t sound like everything a human being needs to experience? Getting so lost you don’t care anymore. Check. Significant brushes with actual danger. Check. Experiencing a culture like you’ll never experience again. Check.
And if India doesn’t sound like your cup of tea, lucky you, there are several different races stationed elsewhere around the world. Africa anybody? But check out their info-blerb page about the League of Adventurists International Ltd and Adventure for Development. I’d work for them.
New Category: Things You Should Know.
A new NBC TV show called “Community”
Watch this hilarious look at what it’s like to attend community college — and at the very least learn you shouldn’t get your degree via PDF file.
Watch the Halloween Episode — and get hooked.
http://www.hulu.com/watch/105441/community-introduction-to-statistics#play-queue
Listen to Garrison
Have you ever be so eager to share some small joy of life with another human being, only to feel absolutely foolish when you repaid with nothing but a blank stare? That confused (or even bemused!) look, as if to say “I guess you had to have been there” or “Yea, I guess that’s funny.” Usually all I can muster is a sigh, a pitiful release to mourn the premature death of a good story. What do you say to that, what can you say to recover? I have to admit, I hardly qualify as a natural storyteller. It is only in my clever moments that I manage to capture my audience’s attention. I blame my small vocabulary and tendency to follow tangent paths, but every so often a story just tells itself. I admire those who so effortlessly captivate our attention.
Twice in the last week I’ve had the misfortune of enduring that look, and I am truly disappointed. Not only because a. I fail to spark any reaction from two very pretty girls with my story, but also because b. neither of these girls know who Garrison Keillor is.
I believe that the humorist is a dying breed. I rarely hear or meet individuals who have the wit and sense to discreetly poke fun at our everyday humanity. It’s easy to be a comic, but something entirely different to be a humorist. There are a few remaining, and you’ll most likely find them writing a book. Writers like David Sedaris and Bill Bryson offers unique and often zany perspectives into the madness of an “average” male, middle class and white existence. But there one man who is a category unto himself: Garrison Keillor. With but his voice, he’ll lull you into a refreshing state of calm. He sings and talks about the simple things, the quirky things and the sobering things.
Let me share a short except from his radio show “A Prairie Home Companion”
September 5th 2009, live from the Minnesota State Fair
My great grand father was exhibited here, here at the state fair. As the oldest living Minnesotan … he was a hundred and five years old. He sat there, behind a table. You paid two dollars to go in and see him. He was kind of a sprightly gent, he didn’t tremble and he had good hearing, eyesight. And he would display his birthday certificate, he was a hundred and five years old.
AND for an additional dollar you could arm-wrestle him, the oldest living Minnesotan. Of course when young men went in there with their girlfriends, they were, ah, challenged in ways that made them uncomfortable, to take on this old man. When he saw a young man enter and sit down at the table, putting their elbow down, he would sort of whimper in a persuasive way as he took the dollar. Then he put his elbow along side their elbow and said “Don’t you be hurting an old man now!” And he would brace himself, he was a wiry guy. And, and he’d brace himself and at the last minute he lean forward and say “Don’t you mess your pants now” and then he’d kick ’em in the shins and just took ’em right down. A lot of young men lost their self esteem there, arm wrestling against my great grandfather who wrestled at the state fair until he was a hundred and twelve.
He died arm wrestling [at that fair], arm wrestling against this skinny young guy who just wouldn’t lose in front of his girlfriend, he just would not give up. And my great grandfather, as his heart burst, his heart burst in his chest and he knew this was the end for him. He was a proud man, a proud man of that young man. And he leaned forward as he died saying that “she must be some beautiful woman.” …
If you’ve never heard of A Prairie Home Companion, then I would suggest you venture a listen. The shows are long, but it’s great backgrounds music/noise as well. It’s wholesome, witty and an art that is rapidly disappearing. http://prairiehome.publicradio.org/
Support NPR.
“The supreme irony of life…
I had no intention of following my co-writer’s steps in creating a “bucket list”, for the sole reason that I had no destination immediately appear in my image deprived mind. However, in my daily walk through the “internets” (mostly Fark) I came upon http://webecoist.com/2009/10/20/inland-seas-worth-seeing-the-10-most-amazing-lakes/ (second on the list). It felt particularly inspiring due to its feasability. I very well could go to Lake Mono. I just might.
I spent this last weekend in Athens, Georgia, home of the University of Georgia (the Bulldogs). John Young, Lydia Young (formerly Pettit), Josiah Pettit, Isaac Pettit, Jordan Foxwell, Morris Yaegashi and Zachary Boswell were present. I will describe my weekend in the same manner I did to SGT Kari Gunderson, a fellow soldier and friend. Arrive, hug, beer, sit, soccer, eat, soccer, kids games, soccer/buttsup, beer, cuban, beer, cheap holloween masks and hats, warehouse party, 6$, vodka and red bull x6, dancing 5hours, sleeping bag, wake, fresh french toast, drive, 21, beer, salsa, beer, wii mario cart, drive home. A skylarking we shall go.
is that no one gets out of it alive.
Lazarus Long, from Robert Heinlein’s literary works.
Musical Musings
Music I have been listening to:
Kiersten Holine – Amazing voice, found her looking for Sufjan Stevens covers. Look her up.
Jay-Z – The Blueprint 3 . Empire State of Mind…Run this Town…Venus vs Mars, Hell Yeah!
Glee – Watch it. Be forever changed. Especially this last weeks episode “Vitamin D” with the mashups. The note Lea hits at the end of Halo/Sunshine is amazing. Ridiculous. “…also angels”
Girl Talk – Craziest bearded white dude ever. Can’t even call them “mashups”. He broke down the music and made something new. Don’t care if I read about him in GQ.
Movits – Again, don’t care if I heard of them from Colbert. It’s the Colbert Bump, what can I say. They still rock or ska or rap or just be Swedish.
[is listening to Empire State of Mind while writing this]
– cameron “stalkey mcstalkerson” boswell
“How nice–to feel nothing…
…and still get full credit for being alive.”
US novelist (1922 – 2007)
nonnekes
Skylarks Anonymous 