Modus Operandi: Life is for Wish Lists.

Sometimes life is about making lists. Lists that are miles and miles long, filling up books, tomes and reams of paper. Lists solely dedicated to the shit you wish you could own. That’s right, it’s totally selfish and most likely you’ll never need the junk. But damn it, I want a Swiss Army Knife that’ll cut through fucking Teflon, tell me my exact GPS coordinates and text mom to ask “What’s for dinner?”. And likewise, I want a leather luxury toiletries bag because it looks manly and cost 3 times as much as it costs to manufacture. (P.S. Did you know that Teflon is short (and trademark) for Polytetrafluoroethylene)

If only I were a millionaire, I’d have shit like that. But in the meantime, I’ll enjoy this website: http://www.uncrate.com/

I’m not quite sure how to describe uncrate.com, but it’s like someone vowed to catalog all the awesome products the 21st century has to offer. This isn’t your run-of-the-mill web magazine, they “review” and post little snippets on gear that you’ve probably never heard of it. For example, take the most recent update (as of Oct. 18th 2010). “The Critter Gitter”

Who is the fuck would ever need this? I don’t know, but I want to be their friend. Posts on uncrate.com range from “gadgets, clothes, cars, DVDs and more.” There is really nothing off limits here, as long as you can (presumably) purchase it. (I say presumably because a) you’ll never have that much money even if you live to one billion or b) because this item is so rare, so ridiculous, so incredible badass, it has no listed price.) And a sweet little feature, you can create an account and “save” the various items that make you drool. Personally, I have 26 tantalizing necessaries, including; professionally made PVC Pipe Speakers, Chippewa Snake Boots, Han Wolfgang Sunglasses, Bottle Open Cufflinks and more.

So somehow the men behind uncrate.com have managed to scrape a living by documenting, for editorial purposes mind you, the kinda gear playboy gazillionaires own. I need to figure how to take it one step farther. For the purpose of an in-depth review, I should receive these things free of charge. There, I said it. You were thinking it.

My wedding registry will be on uncrate.com